Sailing in Storms

“I am not afraid of storms for I am learning how to sail my ship.”  ~ Louisa May Alcott

A news channel issued a weather warning for high winds on the coast this past Thursday. The winds were projected to reach 100 miles and hour along the Oregon coast. Wind is something that is never really feared or respected until it roars through trees, bending them towards the mud.

In May of 2015, I went to New Zealand for a school trip. Our first stop was in Wellington. This city is located at the southern tip of the North Island and the wind is furious. We were told there is almost a daily news clip of someone being blown off their feet. The city is located in between several hills so the wind picks up more speed as it travels into the valleys of the hills.

Imagine what is was like to land with these cross winds. I remember two Kiwis, asking me if I was okay as my hands gripped my armrests and my eyes closed in prayer as our plane rattled and swayed in the wind. I told them I hate landings and they laughed. I wasn’t offended. Their laughter eased my fear, but I still did not let go of the armrests until the plane stopped moving.

When I left the plane and stepped into Middle Earth, I was carrying a secret, one I could not let anyone know or I would not have been able to go on the trip–one that had the wind force similar to the winds in Wellington, a gust knocking me down. I was in the middle of one of my worst manic depressions ever. I was on the other side of the world, running away from a violent cycle of abuse and I was alone. Yes, I was surrounded by 21 other people but I did not know any of them. We weren’t friends or family. I was 18 years older then the other students and it showed. I did a lot of things on my own and part of the reason for that was I lost–yes, in Middle Earth, but also in my head. Talking about what was going on was not an option. I walked along the seawall in Wellington, basking in the high wind and praying for God to show me how to stand tall in the whirlwind. Over the next 19 days, God showed me how to sail in the storm and when to anchor deep, hold on and pray.

I know He can calm the storms around me. I know He can also refrain from doing so and when He chooses to instead sail by my side through the storms, I am grateful–not always in those moment but after some distance–for His companionship, His guidance, and His love.

Louisa May Alcott does have a beautiful point. Storms are to be respected but not feared if you believe in the one who has your past, present, and future. Sometimes I forget this simple fact. I have watched movies with sailors sailing straight toward a wall of water. I have read stories of a lone wander walking into the black night. We are not incapable of surviving storms. With God as our captain we are never alone. .

Captain and Me by Andrus, Blackwood & Company

This video shows my age but the song is one of my favorites because it reminds me that I am never alone in the storm or in the peaceful seas.

Lord, thank you for being the captain of my soul, heart, and mind. I would have died without your love, mercy, grace, and salvation. Thank you, Lord.