Intercessor

Romans 8:26-27

“In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.”

Since being a student at GFU, I have been introduced to contemplative prayer. Silence can be uncomfortable, especially in our noisy world. This passage was reflected on during two contemplative prayer retreats over the last two months. Paul writes that we do not know what we ought to pray for but the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf–He helps speak for our wordless groans–what does that mean? Are our prayers meaningless? I don’t think so. I think we are blessed to have the Spirit speak/pray on our behalf. When I don’t know what to pray, I repeat the word “help” over and over again . . . and then I wait. I wait in the silence. Learning to rest in the silence, to listen, takes practice, as does prayer.

Years ago, I felt led to be an intercessor for others and ministries I was working with. I realized this required a lot of time asking for protection, for the ability to show unconditional love, and for patience. I also soon realized being an intercessor meant I was also a prime target for the enemy to attack. Something happened within as I prayed for others, I felt God knocking down walls I had built around my heart. I stopped fighting His reconstruction of my heart and fell onto my knees. I soon found myself in a manic depressive episode, though I did not know that at the time, and even though I was battling demons, I kept praying for the kids I worked with, for the ministry I worked with.

Unfortunately, the people I was working with were not praying for me. I cried out for help and they told me,”you are not that person, God did not make you that way.” Then when it all came to a head, I was told by the head of the ministry, “we were just waiting for another red flag.” My sister and I were devastated. Fellow believers saw my struggle and did nothing but wait for me to stumble and burn. God showed me my time there was over and I left. I also left being an intercessor. I no longer knew how to pray for those who said they believed in the same Christ I did.

Seventeen years later (holy cow), I am now ready to become an intercessor once again. My time at GFU has allowed me to heal and see that there are believers who care and won’t stand by and watch another battle against something alone. I have found contemplative prayer to be a chance to groan wordlessly and rest in the knowledge that the Spirit is taking those groans and speaking them to God. He is our intercessor. He never stops praying on our behalf. How awesome is that? VERY!

So as I begin to step into back into an intercessory role, I am asking for you to pray for me. Pray for protection, pray for endurance, pray for patience, and pray that I don’t stop. I used to pray out loud for others. Please pray that I can find my voice again when I feel led to speak out and pray that I can rest in silence.

If you need prayer, please let me know.

Spirit, thank you for interceding for me. For loving me. For never forgetting me. Thank you for healing my heartache. Thank you, Lord, for showing me that being bipolar is not a curse, a defect, but instead a gift, a gift you are using for your Will.